You’d think in this sophisticated, knowledgeable world we would know by now an easy way to get ourselves eating right.

Some pundits say, just use portion control. And that’s right. Truly right. But until that moment when you’re in control enough to do that, it’s totally unrealistic and actually unhelpful advice. It just makes us feel worse when we fail, not just every day, but perhaps every meal and the times between as well, when we gorge ourselves into a sugar coma on confectionery.

I think portion control is probably part of the equation, don’t get me wrong. But I think it’s a complex issue and this kind of simplistic way won’t work for people who are a long way down the wrong road.

As an example, if I am an alcoholic it doesn’t matter how much I try to control portions, I will still binge because that is the nature of the beast. Two nights off the stuff or just having one glass, and the third night will be a doosy, with enough going down the gullet to satisfy the great dry.

If I’m a sugar addict, I can do the best I can all day with pure willpower only to come unstuck after dinner. Willpower, or won’t power really, only lasts so long.

So the argument for portion control isn’t where you should start your journey. It is possibly more suited to being the final step in a method that might take a long time to work through but that will help you win out in the end.

I’m talking, of course, about cleaning up the addictions first. And that requires headwork, not portion control. As I’ve said before, the older I get the more I believe that you truly have to change just one thing at a time. You only have so much extra energy in the day for these additional things, and you should preserve that energy to be used for a single accomplishment so you do actually accomplish it, for good.

If you have a host of problems—you drink too much alcohol, eat too much sugar and consume too much food in general (especially the calorie-rich addictives that usually come from the bakery)—I would start by going to the gym or doing some kind of exercise programme that you can keep up easily. It doesn’t have to be much; it just needs to become a habit. Habits take time, so you don’t need to rush into the next step. While you’re doing this, use the time to educate yourself on the lifestyle and eating plan that you think would suit you best. Be happy that you are at the start of a journey that will change your life. Know that this is the beginning of controlling yourself—your self—and that eventually you will be able to do anything that you truly want to do. The more you plan your changes and think like this, the more it’s like a tsunami—unseen until the swell has become an unstoppable force.

Then tackle the alcohol, which is the one likely to derail your attempts at eating well. Start taking vitamins, especially the Bs and a multivitamin to build you up. If you feel you’re really addicted, give it up all at once. Today is the last day I’ll ever get drunk. I may have a drink in the future but I will never drink to excess again. I will only ever have one drink then immediately switch to soda water or mineral water. But that’s in the future when I’m the one in control. For now, the only way to be in control is to stay away from the stuff altogether. Find a substitute drink (preferably lower in calories) and drink as much of it that you need. If you’re a bottle-a-day person, drink a bottle of the other stuff. Make sure it’s in the place where your alcohol usually resides so you don’t fall off the wagon from reaching for a bottle automatically. Do everything you can to make this successful. Clear your social calendar. Take up a different activity every night. This is the rest of your life that you are preparing for. Prepare well. Read books that will help. Read them again and again if necessary. Or read them once, get your vitamins, remove your alcohol and then never look back. It can actually be a lot easier than we think if we can make one decision and stick to it. Also keep in mind that if you were on a desert island and couldn’t find any alcohol, you would get through. Withdrawing from alcohol will not kill you, even though for a couple of nights it might be uncomfortable, right down to the DTs. Cravings come … and cravings will go if you you allow them to have their moment. Don’t try to think that you shouldn’t have these thoughts. They drop into your mind, so you accept that the thought has occurred. Be gracious, not fractious about any thought that pops into your head. Don’t fight it; just look at it. Perhaps after you look at it you want to use your own mantra so you can follow these thoughts with a conscious response. If the thought drops into your head that you need a drink, tell yourself yes, you will have a drink of water, and have one. If the thought is for wine, then have a nonalcoholic wine. Or really look at the thought and wonder, “Do I really?” And if the answer is no, simply let that thought be. But always have those non-alcoholic options on hand in the cupboard and in the fridge. Have much more than you could possibly ever need so you never run out. This is a time of rewiring your mind and retraining your body, so give it every chance in the world to work. My mantra might be, “I’m so lucky I don’t need to take action on that thought. I choose to have this instead.”

Then treat your sugar addiction the same way. If you have to chew sugar-free gum to get through, do so. Do so for a month, two months, three months. Because if you can get off this stuff you will find that you can easily make good choices with your food. Drink water, eat a good amount of protein, a huge amount of vegetables, some carbohydrate, some fruit and some fat, and eventually your weight will be the least of your problems.

I cannot stress enough the importance of getting it right. Anything that is going to be foundational in your life needs to be rock solid. It must become your automatic ‘go to’ response, no thinking required. For most of us, that is going to take considerable time. Unfortunately, we often underestimate just how much time it will take us to make lasting change. We try to accomplish too much too soon, and in doing so we shortchange ourselves and fail to meet our challenge.

At my ripe old age—perhpas a little wisdom does come with age!—I have decided that I need to concentrate on less things when I am undertaking lifestyle change. Well, exactly one thing. I need to do whatever it takes to make one change happen and give it a big push—all my energy—at the start, followed by enough energy to keep it in a holding pattern until it becomes so entrenched that I don’t have to think about it any more. If it’s to stop drinking, I concentrate even more thought and effort on my project than I think it could possibly need. I do whatever it takes. For a while I stop going where there are too many temptations. I find, and stick to, a substitute drink, whether it’s nonalcoholic wine or soda water or tonic water. If there is alcohol still in the house, it just needs to not be in my ‘go to’ place. That’s now the home of the substitute. Then, over time, I wean myself off the substitute. The substitute’s job is just to be there as the ritual while I break the alcohol’s perceived hold.

It might seem it takes a long time to accomplish, but that’s my project for six or seven months before a new challenge is undertaken. I am now rock solid in my thoughts, my habits, my actions. I have succeeded, this time, where I have failed many times before by arrogantly wanting it all to happen by magic; by being much too impatient and failing to take into account the energy required for lasting change. And once the lasting change has been accomplished, almost no energy is required again, so in the long run you have succeeded instead of failing again and again.

And surely that’s worth the time and effort you have invested.