Let’s play a visualisation game today. This is about someone’s bad attitude and how it affects you. Hubby is fuming about something. Not just fuming—articulating strongly. The youngest child is drumming his heels into the carpet having a spack attack. Someone cuts in on you in traffic and nearly causes an accident, then has the temerity to give you the finger. Whatever.
So, the scene is set. Our natural tendency in these situations might be to get upset ourselves, to hit back in some way or to withdraw as fast as possible. I have been known to do all three, but perhaps not all at once!
However, if it is not up to you to fix the whole world—and it is not—then to drill down into specifics, it’s also not up to you to fix the problem the other person is having. Of course it’s nice if you can be sympathic and helpful, but in the end it is that other person’s decision to react in anger to their situation.
Say that you want to simply stand there and observe instead of jumping in and (1) getting irate yourself (2) trying to fix the problem or (3) attempting to jolly the other person out of their funk. And say that you normally find quiet observation almost impossible (as it is in my case).
Here’s the game. Your inner self, which has an invisible body that takes up the same space and dimensions as your outer self, has only one available response. That is, to throw heart-shaped foam-type objects at this person.
As this is visualisation, anything goes. So as the invisible you (you might imagine an outline of yourelf making this movement while your physical body remains still, if that helps) draws back an arm, the heart appears in your hand just as your arm reaches the furthest part of its backswing. You concentrate on making sure the heart is thrown with enough energy to reach the other person. If you’re throwing it like a frisbee, it appears as your arm bends across the front of your body.
At first you use the heart like a missile, putting a fair bit of arm strength behind your aim. The pointy bit of the heart ricochets off the other person, causing a small but not painful jab. When it hits, it makes a noise. A short kissing sound. You watch the foam heart drift to the ground around their feet. It is red, but not fire-engine red. More a softer hue with apricot overtones.
As this all happens, you are growing in stature, making the other person’s anger appear smaller, A heart appears in your hand every time you swing your arm, so you keep lobbing them. Over the noise of the yelling or screaming (if there is any) you distinctly hear the sweet sound of little kisses. In fact, the angry vocalisation becomes strangely muted and the heart kisses sound louder as you continue to send the hearts spinning that other person’s way. Your action of throwing becomes more gentle, more loving as the hearts start to build up around the other person. They look gorgeous all clustered around the howling one and you realise that you created them from your mind and in difficult circumstances. Sweet.
This doesn’t have to be when someone is throwing a temper tantrum. You can practise this when another person is being surly, unreasonable or showing any kind of emotion that would normally unbalance you and cause you to take on their angst. Their angst is theirs. Let them own it. You owe it to yourself to learn a way to be calm and loving in difficult circumstances and not to be infected by another person’s negative emotions.
Because you didn’t take the other person’s anger to heart and therefore were not hurt by it, perhaps you can now say something helpful or reassuring. You can certainly take yourself off happily to the kitchen to prepare a nutritious dinner. You’ll be in a gentle frame of mind and will prepare the food with love. (No doubt the pots and pans will thank you for your new serenity). While you’re at it, throw a couple of tomato-sauce flavoured hearts into the pan.