Self loathing is destructive. There is nothing good about it. It is a totally negative emotion that leads to desperation and despair.
But sometimes if you loathe something you have done (it’s important that you are loathing your action, not yourself), there can be a shining light come from it—a catalyst for change. Such a moment can turn your personal path in such a way that you are forever changed—if that’s the way you want to play it.
The moment appears between one heartbeat and the next. How you use it is up to you. You can choose to continue to wallow in the depths of shame or regret or despair … or you can take the precious kernel that has presented itself from the experience and use it to pave the way to a better you, a better life. It’s a shining jewel you can use to pivot your existence – or you can fail to see its significance and allow it to pass into oblivion.
If one of these rare moments should come to you, grasp it with both hands, your heart and your head. But be warned, the power of the moment is very short lived. Within 24 hours it can be gone, leaving only the cold ashes of regret and despair.
The magic of this small spark only lasts if you to take action straight away. You can’t afford to analyse it or think about it. It is the moment. You either grasp it or you lose it. The strength is only there when it is new and it needs the fuel of your immediate and complete commitment. If you try to recall it at another time you will find it insubstantial and dreamlike.
The moment itself can come from horror, from grief, from shame … from anything that is a strong emotion or occurrence. What it cannot do is survive by itself. The magic only lives on when a totally new action gives it a free piggyback. It is a moment to change. Blow your warm breath on that spark and set it on fire so it can light your way to a better path. And do it as soon as you realise you hold something precious, albeit fleeting, in your possession.